Dear Mom I Am Running Away Because You Are Making Chicken for Dinner Again
Oft, I see a mom who is on the verge of tears describing how her teen hates her. She tin can't understand information technology, and she wants her baby back. The teen looks on sullenly, in one case again exasperated by a parent who merely doesn't understand.
Equally a nonparent only a therapist for many kids, teens, and families, I can easily empathise what this teen is going through. I remember it well. I hated my mom, too, and she was a sobbing mess due to my abrupt withdrawal. All I wanted was independence and for her to get off my dorsum. Looking back, I want to kiss my mom for being so annoying. She saved me from and so many negative experiences by having rules and expectations, only she also pushed me away by being emotional and reactive to my teen antics.
The preteen and teen years are filled with intense emotions and disharmonize. Historically, this modify has been attributed to hormones, which is certainly a large function of it. Through our unabridged adult lives, we wrestle with hormones surging in our bodies, but later on our teenage years nosotros take developed enough to manage most of the residual emotions. Teens, on the other paw, have not. They experience and then many dissimilar and new things, and they don't always take the ability to ho-hum down their reactions.
Educate Yourself
Discover a Therapist
Acquire more about what your teen is going through and try to develop an objective lens through which to wait. This may help you brand significant of some of the wilder beliefs your teenager exhibits. Information technology won't buffer the sting of hateful comments, merely understanding where they come from may help you recollect rationally almost it all and non question every parenting motility y'all make. Read books, articles, and websites about teen evolution. An informative, easy-to-read book I recommend is The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Dr. Frances Eastward. Jensen.
Remain Calm
When the situation is tense, take three deep breaths before responding to your teen. Don't respond impulsively, every bit doing so may fuel the fire and create a bigger rift in your relationship. Attempt to process your emotions with another adult if you demand to, and present yourself as calm, cool, and collected when budgeted your teen. When this is not possible, try your best non to engage in an argument and instead walk away. If yous are losing your cool or crying, your bulletin may not be as constructive and may farther contribute to your teen'southward negative perception of you.
See It from Their Perspective
Information technology may non be sensible to you, but in that location is usually some merit to your teen'south argument. Validate it. Let them know that you lot become it, and you want them to be happy.
Guide Them
Looking back, I want to kiss my mom for existence so annoying. She saved me from so many negative experiences by having rules and expectations, just she too pushed me away by being emotional and reactive to my teen antics.Well-nigh all teens demand some major guidance. Many lack the ability to think far ahead and weigh all the consequences of their choices. Part of your job as a parent is to control impulses. Your teen may rail against y'all, but don't give upwardly! Letting your teen run wild will help neither you lot nor your teen. Teens can be harsh, hurtful, and even intimidating to their parents, simply you lot are the adult in the relationship and it's your job—non your teen's—to stand up potent and maintain boundaries.
Stay Strong
Forget the messy rooms, don't worry then much about the heavy eyeliner, and merely focus on prophylactic and love. You beloved your teen because they were in one case your baby, and even though they tin seem cold, moody, and sometimes downright mean, your teen loves you underneath it all and they do NEED you.
© Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Alexis Hansen, LCSW
The preceding article was solely written past the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding commodity tin exist directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-be-a-parent-to-a-teen-who-hates-you-0903154
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